Angry Tennis Player Hurts Himself - Watch more free videos

Really strange incident during an ATP Masters tennis match between Mikhail Youzhny and Nicolas Almagro. Youzhny gets angry after at a close call and takes it out on himself.

At long last the advice we all need.. how to get a girl to flash you! This video should guide you with the appropriate way to get some hotties to expose the good and if it doesn’t end up working at least we can all share a laugh. So watch this clip and hit the streets to try some new exposure methods!

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly.

The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Cooter and Gomer.

The three men had always done everything together.

Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Cooter said, "Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.”

The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, "Nope, it ain’t Bubba."

The mortician thought this was rather strange. So he brought Gomer in to confirm the identity of the body.

Gomer looked at the body and said, "Yup, he’s pretty well burnt up. Roll him over."

The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, "No, it ain’t Bubba."

The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"

Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two assholes."

"What? He had two assholes?" asked the mortician.

"Yup, we never seen ‘em, but everybody used to say, "There’s Bubba with them two assholes."

I have 2 large dogs, and was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out. The woman behind me asked if I had a dog?
Duh?

On impulse, I told her no, I was starting The Purina Diet again. Although I probably shouldn’t, because I’d ended up in the hospital the last time. But I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy who was standing behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me?

I told her no, I’d been sitting in the street licking my ass and a car hit me.

I thought the guy standing behind her was going to need help as he staggered to the door laughing.

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the white House in D.C. One is from New Jersey, another from Tennessee, and the third is from Florida.

They go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The Florida contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900…$400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.

The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700…$300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."

The New Jersey contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers "2700.00"

The official, incredulous, says, "You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

The New Jersey contractor whispers back, "$1,000 for me, $1,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence."

"Done!", replies the White House official.

And that, my friends, is how it all works in Washington D.C.

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I cannot see
I cannot pee
I cannot chew
I cannot screw
Oh my God, what can I do?
My memory shrinks
My hearing stinks
No sense of smell
I look like hell
My mood is bad-can you tell?
My body’s drooping
Have trouble pooping
The Golden Years
Have come at last
The Golden Years
Can kiss my ass

Here’s one for the parents out there. Some of these are really hilarious.

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Here are some signs and notices written in English that were discovered throughout the world.

In a Tokyo Hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notis.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

In a Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.

In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.

In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.

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Meet the lovely Jean Mansel from Oakfield Township, Michigan. Jean received what has to be one of the hottest ransom notes in history. It seems that a few of Jean’s neighbors are pissed off, because they believe she’s not picking up her dog’s shit. They have kidnapped her statute of Jesus which was in her front yard and are holding it ransom. She received a phone call from a raspy voice. The voice told her to check her mailbox. She did and found this note:

“We are holding Jesus ransom until you clean up the poopie from your wieners and trust us we see you take your wieners for long walks w/out picking up their poopie in our yards. This has upset us dearly so please clean up all the weiner poopie, if you want to see Jesus unharmed. Sincerely, Lindy Lane Residents.”

I really hope Jean puts that shit on ebay, because I will bid on it, frame it and put it over my toilet. That note has so many things going for it: poopies, wieners and Jesus!
Jean claims she picks up her dog’s shit and just wants her Jesus statue back. It’s a family heirloom. She said, "It has to be a young person because they put these lines around Jesus, no adult is going to waste their time doing that. And referring to weiner poopie…my gosh."
Holy Crap! In the name of wiener poopie! Give Jean her Jesus back!